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Month: December 2020

The New Year’s Resolution Challenge

Published by Ann Short on December 31, 2020

I am not someone that traditionally makes a New Year’s resolution but as 2020 comes to an end and I look over the past year I realize that I persevered through this nightmare of a year because of the help and motivation of my family and the staff at Bon Homie.    

Do you recall experiences in your life where you were too stubborn to accept help that was offered or to hesitant to ask for it?

Have you ever been in a situation where you are getting ready for a birthday party or family get together and someone offers to bring a dessert or come early and help decorate and you assure them you have it all under control?   And then an hour before the party you quietly complain or maybe loudly complain that you should have accepted their help.    

I always had a difficult time accepting offers from family and friends to stop at the store and pick up the few things I may have needed for the next day or I would turn them down when they offer to do something as simple as running to the post office for me.

I have also struggled with asking for help. I find it exceedingly difficult to ask for help and always need to talk myself into asking someone to help me before I verbally speak the words.  Is it a sign of weakness when asking for help?  As a mother or father are you supposed to be able to work full time, care for your children, be a part time taxi and still find a few minutes to relax at night? 

Those of you that are caregivers know that not accepting help or asking for help does not improve your situation at all.  You are working within limited constraints to begin with and having more tasks that need to be completed within a certain time frame only adds to your stress.  Whether you are raising your children or caring for a parent time is always a valued treasure. 

An example that I have, almost on a daily basis, is accepting help when I arrive at work and get ready to carry all my bags into the center.  I typically carry several bags, including my computer bag and a toy bag for my 5-year-old son who spends time at the center throughout the week.  I dislike making multiple trips to my car, so I load my shoulders up with bags, place my coffee in one hand, take my sons hand in the other and off we go.  Staff who arrive at the same time as we do will often offer to help me, I joke with them about being a bag lady and of course refuse their help. By the time I make it to my office, my arms are shaking, and I am hoping I don’t drop my coffee. I know any rational, logical person would accept help the next time.

I have also come to realize especially during this very trying year that accepting help can make you stronger and make your situation better.  I had this experience when our center was forced to close in March due to the Coronavirus.  The staff at our center worked together and developed a remote program which has played a major role in our center’s survival.  This virtual program that takes place on a computer through zoom has been the primary method that has allowed us to offer consistent services to our clients while our doors are closed.  It has been a great experience to see staff take ownership of this program and to get behind a concept that they believe in.  Having staff take the lead role in this program gave me the time to focus on other areas of our program that required my attention and helped me to manage the stress I felt during this transition period.  

For my 2021 New Year’s resolution I am going to work on asking and accepting help in all areas of my life, I know this will bring a better balance to my life.  I challenge each of you to work on accepting and asking for help in areas of your life that you and the individual you care for will benefit from.              What will be your New Year’s Resolution for 2021?  

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Give the “Gift of Time” to the Caregiver in your life.

Published by Ann Short on December 18, 2020

I think at times we may feel Christmas gifts need to be wrapped and placed under the tree for our loved ones.  But a gift you don’t have to unwrap may be just what Santa ordered for the caregivers in our life.  Lack of time to run errands, spend time with friends or to just take a minute for themselves is challenging for most caregivers. Trying to meet all the demands in their lives while caring for a loved one can lead them feeling isolated, alone and overwhelmed. Giving the gift of time, companionship, or support could rate pretty high on the most “favorite gifts received” list for Caregivers in 2020.    

Here are a few gift ideas that don’t need wrapping:

1.  Prepare dinner for them. Go to their house and make dinner for them or prepare the meal and drop it off. Benefits of preparing the meal at their home gives you the opportunity to visit with them while making it for them or with them. You could also include the care receiver if they are able to help, the interaction and meaningful activity would be very beneficial to them as well.

2.  Offer to clean their home, wash windows or help with simple repairs that need attention. These are the areas that get ignored by all of us when we have so much on our plate that demands our attention.   Helping a caregiver clean could be scheduled on a regular basis, if you had the time to offer that type of help.  If the caregiver in your life has a difficult time accepting help, offering to work along side of them instead of cleaning for them, may help them accept the offer more easily.

3.  There are a number of traditions that we cherish about the holidays and preparing for the festivities is part of the tradition. Many caregivers still want to be part of their festive traditions but could use an extra hand so it is enjoyable and not so overwhelming.  Grocery shopping for the holiday meal or going to get their Christmas tree may be more manageable with help. A trip to the tree farm may give the caregiver and receiver the opportunity to get out of the house and be part of the holiday hustle and bustle.  If the caregiver is agreeable you could help prepare some of the holiday dinner ahead of time to make it easier on them the day of, helping to bake cookies or wrap presents are other tasks that can help reduce the stress of the season.  I have one Christmas memory when I was still in high school. Because both of my parents worked and my youngest brothers were toddlers, we were way behind in some of our Christmas preparations.  Finding time to get “Santa” related tasks done was difficult. I can remember it was Christmas Eve and my mom and I were up in her bedroom wrapping presents for hours. We laughed a lot that night because my parents had five kids to buy presents for and she was having trouble locating all the gifts she hid so that the kids wouldn’t find them.

4.  If they care for someone that has dementia or a disorder where the individual requires support or supervision, offering to keep the individual company for a couple hours is a great gift. Having a few hours free gives the caregiver time to shop, pursue interests, rest, or work on their never ending to do list.

5.  Taking the individual out to give the caregiver time at home alone is also another great gift idea.  This allows the caregiver time in their own home to rest or focus on areas that need to be tended to.  Caregivers often appreciate being able to stay home because they can relax and focus on areas that they’ve had to postpone for a while. 

A few stories I recall where the gift of time really made a difference:

I recall a story of a college student that would come home on breaks and would visit with a one of our clients that she had become friends with from high school. Our client lived with her parents and on several occasions throughout the year, when the college student came home from school, she would take the young lady out to the movies, shopping or to get something to eat. This special time gave the young lady the opportunity to be around people her own age and participate in activities that she could enjoy with her peers.  It also gave her parents time to participate in activities that interest them or to just relax at home. 

I remember going and picking up my grand mom for doctor’s appointments. We would meet my mother at the doctor’s office for the appointment. This allowed my mom to finish her shift at work and still make it to my grand mom’s appointment on time. 

I remember talking to a son whose mother was diagnosed with dementia. He took over the family business but would still pick up his mother once a week and take her into the office.  His mom was forgetful but could still complete simple tasks with support from the office staff.  This type of routine and structure helped his mom because she still felt she was contributing to the business and gave his sister that provided the primary care in the home a break to focus on her own family. As their mother worsened, they knew they would have to adjust the schedule to meet her needs.

These are just a few suggestions when giving the “Gift of Time”. In order to personalize this gift, think about your caregiver and what type of “gift of time” would benefit them the most? The answer to that question is your present.

Wishing you, your friends and family a Happy Holiday”.

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